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Jennie In Carcassonne | Day Eight
I can’t lie
I’m terrified
I have no bed
To call
My own
I can’t lie
I’m terrified
I have no place
To call
HomeI said I’d write and I am. I said this to me. For as long as it feels right I’ll commit to this. Writing, my authenticity, openness, that’s my gift to the world. I won’t abuse what God has given me. The chance to make things good.
I haven’t written in a few days. I’ve been exhausted. It has felt like the cells of my body are alive with trauma, now it’s time to change this. To make it better. I want golden cells, golden energy. I deserve this. I should feel worthy. I will feel worthy.
We are headed back to the UK tomorrow. I’m terrified. I don’t know where I’ll be sleeping. What if it’s dirty and disgusting? I need to paint my toenails. What if it’s not comfortable? I have no money. If I had the money, I could get a pedicure. Money would solve a lot of my problems right now, but the truth is, the saying ‘crying in a ferrari is better than crying somewhere rough’ or whatever it is they say is bollocks. Crying and breaking isn’t okay wherever you are. I knew when I was broken in the South of France just a few days ago, that it didn’t matter where I was, that feeling, would make me suicidal whether I was in a Porsche a puegot a Ferrari or a convertible. It wouldn’t matter. All I need is home.
I have cried everyday since being here. Trauma trauma trauma. Please God, wherever we go. Let it be clean. I am so angry at the people who rented out the apartment we stayed in a few weeks ago, for how much they charged and how disgraceful they left it. I’m furious. I am angry. For the fear it’s caused me.
I want to be happy
I want to feel clean
Without a home, I don’t feel good. Which is to be expected. How can I feel confident?
I want to feel good
SexyI thought I wanted to call in my Divine Romantic Partner, my soulmate. But fuck I can’t. Not like this. What can I offer? I have no job. No money. Nothing. I have nothing. But I will
Get my poetry e-magazine ‘Relationship Chronicles’ here.
Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y
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Jennie In Carcassonne | Day Four
Hey babies!
What a day. Uh. Jennie in Carcassonne will be Jennie in Surrey in a few days, this has been the worst day of the trip and we are leaving early.
The weather is atrocious. We came here to relax and sort our life out, but we haven’t been able to. We are killing time instead of enjoying time. There’s no wifi, no comfort. It’s awful. I’m sleeping on the floor!
Anyway, I thought things seemed optimistic today, I started the day with a nice walking meditation, and saw some pretty succulents which reminded me of my friend Stephanie. The weather was spitting rain but not to worry, we were off to get our tyre sorted. I had a journal, did my love and bliss meditation. I prayed and stumbled over some limiting beliefs around feeling worthy of love, however, I noticed in my sacral chakra the flower of feeling self love and worthy of receiving love begin to bloom as I’ve planted it. It’s on its way. I can’t wait to share the poem I wrote surrounding this soon. Life is beautiful, I forget this, in the midst of my awful day, life is pretty. It’s beautiful, the way everything unfolds. I even did some positive affirmations when I first woke this am and looked at my vision board. The way everything aligns. Stunning. Although I’m disappointed I may not get to visit Sainte Marie De La Mer this vacation, but maybe we will. It depends if we leave tomorrow. I’ll get there one day, and maybe this trip is to align me to something better, it always is anyway. But Lord I pray for ease, I pray for happiness. Please.
Anyway, like I said, things seemed good. I had some nice avocado on bread 😍😍😍😍 lovely, and we headed out to get our tyre sorted meaning we’d be free to venture on to sunnier locations etc etc. We ended up waiting around three hours in an industrial state style car park with a supermarket to get our tyre fixed. Two hours we waited because the mechanics closed from 12-2pm. Boundaries. In any other circumstance and even in this one, as they should, but goodness, uh, I can’t complain at all, it happened exactly as it should for our highest good.
Once the car was done thankfully we ventured back to our area where we are staying. I had to get changed as it was so cold. We visited ‘The Celt’ an Irish pub which had a tv, I scoped it out on google because I was looking for somewhere to watch the Champions League on Wednesday. Although we may have left by then. The bar was good though, and I’d recommend – I mean, it’s an Irish bar, what’s not to like? Totally up my street if we were watching the football or even just chilling. We stayed for a drink or two and some crisps then headed elsewhere for another drink, because there’s fuck all else to do when it’s pissing it down and you’re in a tiny, uncomfortable apartment. I booked the apartment accidently by the way, so my fault but also, it’s not like I’m staying there through choice. Let me be clear, I know I’m positively lucky but also, I have been through the ringer it feels, so I’m not just complaining about some bad weather and a day being spent getting my tyre fixed. My nervous system needs rest. Oh, the word for tire in French is ‘pneu’ by the way. At least I learnt this.
The place we were heading to was closed – obviously – so we went back to our friendly fave La Rotonde. I’m pissed because I left them a five star review yesterday and google have made me appeal it as they say it goes against their guidelines. Like I’m a friend or something giving a false review to boost its ratings. Fuck off, can’t a girl just show some love in peace? Can you tell I’m furious 😂 wow. I have this photo on my vision board that says ‘may your feelings be as deep as the ocean and your ecstasy as high as the stars enchanting the sky’ and I swear this is why I go from hugging trees out of love to raging and breaking down in tears. Ha. Anyway, we went to La Rotonde which I’m grateful for because they are so friendly. It’s sad to think we won’t see the people who work there once we leave. God best their souls, I love them. Oh I accidentally just typed a dolphin emoji, my spirit animal / guide. I knew I was in alignment! Once we had some food and drink at La Rotonde we came back to the apartment. I messaged some loved ones and did a Vitamin C face mask, I purchased because the moon is in Aries and my moon sign is Aries! ❤️now I’m in ‘bed’, and we shall make a plan tomorrow of what we are going to do.
Before I sign off, I must do my gratitude
- I am thankful for my feelings and my bravery and openness expressing my emotions
- I am thankful For avocado
- I am thankful for the ones I love so so much
- I am thankful to be loved
- I am thankful to write
- I am thankful for money
- I am thankful for chamomile tea
- I am thankful I am safe and alive
- I am thankful for the people I love and the time I spend with them
- I am thankful for roses
So much to be thankful for. What are you grateful for today?
Lots of love,
Jennie
Purchase my poetry e-magazine ‘Relationship Chronicles’ here! ❤️
Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y
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Jennie In Carcassonne | Day Three
Bonjour, day three!
How are we all?
I’m looking forward to today’s journal entry, let’s start from the beginning. My loved ones and I had plans to visit a beach near Bezier, about an hour away from Carcassonne as the weather was said to be sunnier there, however, we realised one of our tyres which we’d damaged on the way out here had gotten worse so we did not want to risk the journey. We are going to get our tyre fixed tomorrow and then have some more adventures. Because of this, I was disappointed. I was looking forward to some well deserved sun and all I wanted was to sit somewhere and chill for the day in the sunshine, I needed that vitamin d however it clearly wasn’t meant to be, and I know why.
We ended up driving to a lake / beach closer by, luckily the weather was so much nicer than anticipated and we got some sun! The lake / beach is called The lac de la Cavayère and it’s a gorgeous natural setting, very peaceful too as for the most part it was just us there. We sat for maybe an hour, I did nothing for most of the time. I didn’t want to consume, I just wanted to be, so I sat, closed my eyes, took in the landscape, breathed. I started reading a book called ‘the note’ by Zoë Folbigg which I got a few pages into. I’m looking forward to reading more. I also left an offering by the sea and this is the reason I think we ended up not heading over to the Bezier area. I drew a symbol in the sand by the sea related to Saint Sarah La Kali and Mary Magdalene and I left an offering of a rose quartz Crystal, a 50p coin (With the affirmation intention of ‘everything I spend comes back to me multiplied, for the highest good of all), and a sea shell which I believe I got from Gruissan last year. Anyway, half an hour or so later a man promenaded along the seafront and he saw my offerings and picked them up!! He showed his friend, and I said ‘enjoy your gift from me’, to him! He smiled at me and I think enquired if I wanted them (language barrier is why I say *think*) but I was just grinning saying they were for him!! When I went over after I saw he had only taken the 50p so I decided to take back my rose quartz because it had been positively charged by the sun, my symbols and the good energy of the beach and my offerings, so this crystal will be good to meditate with and carry with me. I left the shell ❤️ beautiful.
We left after this and luckily we left in divine timing as it started spitting with rain. I forgot to mention, we also did a meditation from the Superhuman app – ‘feel love and bliss’ which is the meditation I am doing as my daily routine. It was lovely to do this on the beach. There were some cute ducks at the beach too. Beautiful!
After leaving the beach, we went back to the city of Carcassonne and had a little look around a nature area which was gorgeous, I hugged a few trees as I was feeling happy and full of love. Which is worth noting obviously because it’s meaningful and important, but also because in the am after our plans changed – I was – well, I needed a minute. I had a little cry this AM, because like I said, I feel what I feel and I let my emotions move through me. I took half an hour for myself in which I decided to film an outfit haul TikTok since the weather wasn’t sunny, I made an effort with doing my makeup so I thought, may as well make the best of it. I did five gratitudes, said my prayer, and a few self loves. Not the full routine but still. I also left celebration chocolates out as offerings for my ancestors last night.
Back to the day though, we wandered around the nature area then headed up to the castle, I spotted a nice dolphin postcard which I picked up for someone I love, and I bought chocolate ice cream with a raspberry macaroon in it. We got some fries, looked in some shops. I want to get some crystals but I wasn’t feeling the energy in the Crystal store I went in today. We walked past some gorgeous wind chimes that chimed away, sounding and looking like an ‘in real life’ meditation video.
After spending some time at the Castle we came back to the area near our apartment, I wanted to note as well that it’s fantastic because a 10 or so minute walk away from the castle is free parking. When we visited last year we paid to park but now we have discovered somewhere for free. It’s opposite the nature bit, and from there you walk uphill to the castle. Keep an eye if you go!
Once back to the apartment I needed to use the bathroom so my loved ones headed to the park without me, and I met them there once I was done. I grabbed some colouring stuff as I wanted to create, and I walked to meet them whilst enjoying a Divine walking meditation. So good!
We sat in the lovely park for a while just relaxing, I drew and coloured and enjoyed the park filled with roses then, we went to the La Rotonde bar which we have been to everyday since being here, luckily we did because whilst we were there, it hardly stopped raining. Lightning and everything. The bread and oil we had tonight from La Rotonde was yummy too!! I gave them a five star rating online because the staff are so friendly and kind. ❤️ so far, from various different places, I will tell you what I’ve eaten –
I had a nice margarita pizza from a place called ‘la divine comedie’ which was a really good texture. Thin but so soft, we’ve eaten there twice and both times I had margarita pizza, but I tried a slice of the vegetarian Italian pizza which was lovely and I’d get a whole one next time. I also had a chocolate mousse from the same venue which was great too.
I ate at a nice restaurant in the castle but I don’t know the name – I’ll find out – but here’s my pasta I got from there.
Today we ate pasta at ‘home’ and the pesto was DELISH.
I’m going to sign off now. Today’s post has been all over the place but we ride. I’m going to get some sleep. My oracle card for tomorrow was swans- soulmates!! Amazing 😍😛
All in all I had a good day, it goes to show how taking the time for myself to just give myself time to breathe and transmute my energy, praying, writing gratitude, doing what I want to do, can positively turn my day around.
If you’re feeling down, let yourself feel it, take some time to be in solitude if that’s what helps you and don’t feel bad. Journal, do what your body feels good doing, take time for you. I had a good day despite that fact I was stressed this AM, you can change your energy too! ❤️
Stay blissful,
Jennie ❤️
Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y
Get my poetry e-magazine ‘Relationship Chronicles’ here
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Jennie In Carcassonne | Day 1.
Preface
Hello. How are you?
Firstly, what’s with this new WordPress feature where you have to have the jet pack app to view literally, anything? Don’t fix what isn’t broken… but forgive these bad vibes. This starts the first of a few (quite a few, few) daily journal style blog posts that have flowed through me and been a source of solace even over the past few weeks.
There’s not too much point in writing any more to this preface, we shall just begin with day one of my journaling which happened a couple or so weeks ago. Enjoy. 😘
To quote Taylor Swift; ‘Dear Reader’,
It’s been a while since I’ve ventured onto this blog, but I find myself needing to keep a daily journal, and whether what I’m writing ever makes itself to being published is irrelevant. Maybe I’ll share it in 3 days, 3 years, 3 months. We shall see. But right now, I ponder the question, through deep Spiritual practice, can I positively change my life in two weeks?
I’m currently in Carcassonne, South Of France, my nervous system experiencing trauma this evening, but I know tomorrow I’ll be okay. I’m a big believer in feeling my emotions and expressing them as I feel them. Tonight, I cried in a restaurant. I read something somewhere about emotions staying in our body for three minutes (I need to fact check this), unless we don’t process them properly, that’s when trauma stores in our body. So when I feel, I feel. I let it move through me. And tonight I’m going to transcend it.
I have so many stories to share. Firstly, how I was guided to Carcassonne in the first place. Secondly, the story of how I manifested this trip. I will share those another time, but essentially, I am on a two week ‘vacation’ in the South Of France with two of the people I love, and essentially, I am homeless. I don’t know where I’m going home to after this. I don’t want resentment, I don’t want to feel bitter. I don’t want to blame a system that is so clearly wrong- I don’t want to be that person. I want to hack the matrix, transcend the matrix, and make Utopia. Whatever I can do, and it will start with this daily journal…
To sign off with gratitude and three things I am thankful for today –
1. I ate a yummy chocolate macaron
2. I saw my loved one do a fun dance
3. I felt loved by someone I love
4. And four, because I have another, I shared a hug with someone I love too.
Today, I remind you, do a meditation to raise your vibrations baby, do your gratitude list, feel your feelings too, and make someone smile in whatever way you can. Let’s create Utopia.
Speak tomorrow
❤️
Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y
Get my poetry e-magazine ‘Relationship Chronicles’ here!
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Jennie In Carcassonne | Day Two
Bonjour! DAY DOS!
Today has been raining, heavily, but I feel much more positive today thankfully. I did my rising routine, and I got a new ring which is SO PRETTY!!
Today was a ‘content’ day for me, so I got a few videos / photos to share / make a TikTok with! Anyway, how nice is the ring. Also, my bracelets are just DIVINE. Blue is one of my favourite colours.
From the bottom (the bracelet closest to my fingers) we have Labradorite crystal bracelet which I got from Karma and Luck in Las Vegas (they also have an online store), Larimar, and then the other one is just a pretty blue one I picked up in Athens recently. There’s also one underneath that’s hidden! All blue 😍
Anyway- today. So I did my rising ritual, this involved a ‘feel love and bliss’ meditation from the SuperHuman app, followed by a journal, a list of five gratitude’s and five self loves! ❤️ I also wrote some affirmations ‘every step that I weave, the more money I receive’
I of course prayed – as praying is important to me and something I’ve really been getting into more and more lately and noticing positive vibrations and energy! Love!!!! ❤️
After my rising ritual, my loved ones and I headed to the main city of Carcassonne- inside the castle. As I mentioned in yesterday’s diary entry, I will share the story of what led me here soon. I will probably make that a separate blog post- or I could just write it this evening. It may be a shortened version, I’ll pretend I’m talking to a friend. I’ve told this story before.
Last Summer (2022), I was meant to go away to Madeira but there were lots of plane strikes and we decided it would be better to go somewhere we could drive to- having control over our travel. So we looked up places in the South of France and we quickly decided on a place called Gruissan. I wanted to just book it, even though we’d never heard of the location, because it was getting close to holiday time and we needed to book somewhere! Once we’d arrived in Gruissan, well, I loved it, and a few days in my loved ones decided to drive into a city called… CARCASSONNE. About an hours drive from Gruissan. I’d never been before and when we got there, I loved it. I’d describe it like being at Disneyland but real. Like the castle is REAL. The Magick is Divine. Like Gaston’s Tavern but real. So Heavenly. Whilst there- I even noticed some nuns participating in what looked like a Women’s Circle. Later on when I arrived back at my hotel, I did some research and found out that not only is Carcassonne very Spiritual, but we’d actually visited on the day celebrated in France as the ‘ascension of Mary’ how truly Divine. The way God led me there on such a prominent day- Magick. That’s when I realised the South of France is very Spiritual and I don’t know how I didn’t think of it before – Saint Marie De La Mer is close to Carcassonne and about three hours away from Gruissan. Bare in mind – Saint Marie De La Mer is the location where my lady Sarah-La-Kali is celebrated – it made perfect sense God led me to the South of France. Sarah-La-Kali is someone who came up a lot for me in my Divine Feminine oracle readings – and I work with her a lot. I guess it never even crossed my mind when I booked the trip to Gruissan about it being in the South Of France and the potential of visiting Saint Marie De La Mer- because it’s a location I read about so much but never thought I’d visit- or if I did it would take a lot of planning. I didn’t visit on that trip last Summer but I will this month! And I got to visit Carcassonne which was magickal – here are some photos from that trip and a poem.
God really did lead me there Divinely.
Anyway, back to today, so we wandered around the city of Carcassonne where I got my new ring and I had some yummy pasta for lunch. My tastebuds have definitely matured – I actually ate tomato!! On my bread and mixed in with my pasta- dipping my bread into the sauce- I love it. Although I’m vegetarian I’m chill, I used to be strict but I had Parmesan with my pasta today because life’s to be enjoyed and I want my cheese!!
It was raining HEAVILY, and in a place like Carcassonne personally, I don’t know it that well it seemed hard to escape the rain. We decided to drive into Gruissan, and when we arrived the weather was better that Carcassonne. Not perfect, but DRY. We had a drink, then came back to Carcassonne for dinner and now I’m in bed.
Spiritual practices included today as well as my rising routine included a nice Spiritual shower. I did a Nature oracle card reading with my message for tomorrow, and it was ‘the moon’ and dreams. The moon is in Pisces today I believe, so I gave myself a little foot exfoliating massage in the shower (Pisces rules the feet – cheers MoonCalendar for that info), I showered, said a few affirmations to rewire my neural pathways, meditated through my chakras, and rubbed some orange essential oil onto my sacral. My sacral came up for me this morning to meditate on, and it’s funny because as it did I opened my eyes and saw an orange bike. The colour associated with the sacral chakra is orange.
I started reading Mary Magdalene Revealed too- where better to read it that in the South Of France!?
Signing off with a few things I am thankful for
1. I am thankful for the lovely shower I had this evening, the hot water and the quality 😍
2. I am thankful for the people I love
3. I am thankful for someone I love
4. I am thankful for another loved somebody ❤️
5. I am thankful for my Magick and positive energy
6. I am thankful for books
7. I am thankful for the time I have – I bought so many books to the SOF with me, but I intend to work through Mary Magdalene Revealed slowly. I want to read and integrate it, not rush it and have it ticked off my ‘to read’ list. Even if I read Mary Magdalene Revealed and no other non fiction book whilst I’m here (but devour some fiction- yes please), I’ll be happy.
Sending lots of love,
What are you grateful for today?
Talk about what you love to bring about more of it! May the scales forever be tipped in the way of gratitude and positive abundance for you. Ensure you are speaking more love than anything ❤️❤️❤️
Get my poetry e-magazine ‘Relationship Chronicles’ here.
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Trust the gifts that are given to you ❤️❤️❤️
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Choosing Heaven | poetry
It’s time to go
I’ve got to leave
Say goodbye to this place
Not meant for me
Walk away from this room
It’s not worth the pain
Oh it would be easy to stay
But then I’ll never break free from
The heartache
I got to make it through
This escape room
It’s not supposed to be easy
Believe me
I’ll be celebrating soon
My prize liberation from you
Because every time I live without you
For even just a moment in time
I find paradise
Danger’s attractive I think it’s supposed to be
Because choosing Heaven shows the strength in me
You’d think it would be easy to choose Utopia
But menaces have alluring eyes
Maybe he’s not all bad inside but he’s a player
He chooses danger
And I choose me
That’s why
I have
To leave
Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y
❤️
Ps. I know it’s not always easy to ‘choose Heaven’, we get attached to people and situations, they become our comfort even when they’re our pain, however, I’ve been there, and I can promise, I am not in love with the person I thought I was in love with so many years ago. The one I was on and off again with, the one who I cried oceans over. You will move on too, and you will be free, if you give yourself the chance to be. Believe in the beauty of a future free from that person, believe in your happiness, focus on the vision of your happiest self. All the love ❤️❤️❤️
Read: Success Story | Poetry (it’s very related to the paragraph you just read!)
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The Path Of God 💚💚💚
❤️❤️❤️❤️ -
January In Photos | 2023
Hey ya’ll. i am so not from American but I was really feeling a hey ‘ya’ll’ there. Lol.
I thought I’d do a little January in photos today. Just a few pictures with thoughts rounding up my month. I’ll be honest, my camera on my phone doesn’t actually work. Only the selfie one, but we move 😂
First of all we have an affirmation square I created. I’ll be sharing it on my If Soon. Meditate on this photo ❤️🌷 good energy! 
Then we have Messi’s Mess dessert. Link below for the blog post about this one! How To Throw A Football Themed Dinner Party
Me and some beaut flowers I got for my birthday. January is actually JENuary. 
The MOST DELISH bday cake EVER! What’s your favourite type of birthday cake? Mine is classic sponge with buttercream and Jam and of course, icing! 
More beautiful flowers! 
Wearing the cutest hat ever. From Fat Face! 
I had a great Spring clean on Tuesday and felt goood! Ps I do work for Clinique! Do you use any of these products? 
Finally, I did this Superhuman walking meditation on the treadmill at the gym the other day. Love a good workout! How was your January? What was your Jan highlight? Let me know in the comments!
Have a great day,
Love
Jennie ❤️
Find me on Insta @50shad3s0fj4y
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I made a phone background for you | Love Frequency 💚
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